Note: I wrote this a few nights ago — A big end-of-times bug just crawled by me and I felt it brush up against my bare thigh!! I jumped up with the quickness, ran out of the living room and did what I know best to do in these kinds of situations. I squealed like a newborn piglet, jumped around on my tippy toes, waved my hands like I was trying to shake off water and stared into the room from whence the creature appeared.
I mustered up some courage to spray it with a cleaning product and hit it with my sandal (insert gagging here). You are not supposed to kill bugs with Birkenstocks. These are the sandals that Jesus wore. Some manly man is supposed to use his man boot, his bare hands or his teeth to kill bugs.
#takemetotheking #soonandverysoon #hiseyeisonthesparrow
Funeral songs because there is about to be a death up in here tonight. Either me or him. Maybe it’s a her. Maybe it’s a him who used to be a her. Maybe the bug doesn’t identify with a gender because it doesn’t want to be put in a box. I don’t care. Equal opportunity murderer.
I don’t know where the bug is now. I am NOT putting my face near the floor to look under the couch. What if it charges out at me like a bull?
Every light in this apartment is on right now. #Jesusbeafence I’m about to cry. Seriously, I can’t see the screen clearly because my eyes are watering.
I need my dad.
Anything in here with a zipper, be ye zipped. When I get back to the U.S., I’m going to shake everything in my suitcases out in the yard, panties and all. I will hold them suckers up to the sky like Rafiki did Simba with absolutely no cares at all about anyone looking.
It’s time for bed. I won’t be able to post until I get into the office tomorrow. If you’re reading this that means I’m a survivor and I have not “gone on to glory” behind all of this.
Update: I got some real bug spray, which resulted in a couple of dead bugs the next day. I can’t bring myself to pick them up. I put coffee cups upside down over them. Those cups are going to be there until someone comes over to pick them up and throw the bug away. Judge me if you want. I don’t care.
I will not let scary bugs ruin my experience, no matter how big and fearless they seem to be. Yeah, I’m just going to keep spraying bug spray everywhere every day like it’s air freshener. I hope I don’t run out of coffee cups. Pray my “skrenf,” ya’ll.